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Show, Don't Tell

How to write vivid descriptions, handle backstory, and describe your characters’ emotions

Sandra Gerth

First annotation on .

32 quotes

writing

Section 8

  • Telling: I had tested the car to see if it would start. It didn’t. Showing: I turned the key in the ignition. A click-click-click-click noise drifted up from the engine. I smashed my fist into the steering wheel. “Dammit!”Nov 27 2023 4:30AM
  • Telling: The dog tucked its tail between its legs and whined anxiously. Showing: The dog tucked its tail between its legs and whined.Nov 27 2023 4:30AM
  • Telling: “Don’t lie to me,” she shouted angrily. Showing: “Don’t lie to me, dammit.” She slammed her palm on the table.Nov 27 2023 4:30AM
  • Telling: Tina slowly walked down the street. Showing: Tina strolled down the street.Nov 27 2023 4:32AM
  • Telling: I was afraid. Showing: Oh God, oh God, oh God. My knees felt like squishy sponges as I fled down the stairs.Nov 27 2023 4:32AM
  • Linking verbs are verbs that connect a subject with an adjective or noun. Examples are was/were, is/are, felt, appeared, seemed, looked. The problem with them is that they are weak, static verbs that don’t show us an action. Replace most of them with more active verbs.Nov 27 2023 4:30AM
  • Telling: It was cold. Showing: She breathed into her hands to warm her numb fingers.Nov 27 2023 4:32AM
  • Telling: Tina felt tired. Showing: She rubbed her eyes.Nov 27 2023 4:32AM
  • Telling: Tina seemed impressed. Showing: Tina’s eyes widened, and her lips formed a silent, “Wow!”Nov 27 2023 4:32AM
  • Telling: Tina looked as if she was going to cry. Showing: Tina’s bottom lip started to quiver.Nov 27 2023 4:32AM
  • Telling: When John left, Betty and Tina were relieved. Showing: When the door closed behind John, Betty wiped her brow and Tina exhaled the breath she’d been holding.Nov 27 2023 4:33AM
  • Filter words are verbs that describe the character perceiving or thinking something, for example, saw, smelled, heard, felt, watched, noticed, realized, wondered, and knew. The problem is that filter words tell your readers what the character perceives or thinks instead of letting them experience it directlyNov 27 2023 4:33AM
  • Telling: Tina heard Betty suck in a breath. Showing: Betty sucked in a breath.Nov 27 2023 4:34AM
  • Telling: Tina realized she had lost her keys. Showing: Tina patted her pockets. Nothing. Oh shit. Where were her keys?Nov 27 2023 4:34AM
  • REVISION TIP For some of these red flags, you can use the search feature of your writing software to find and replace them. To find adverbs, type ly into the search box, or if you know which adverbs you overuse, e.g., quickly, softly, gently, do a search for them. You can also search for filter words such as wondered, realized, or heard. For emotion words, type in the noun, adjective, and adverb form of emotions such as anger, angry, and angrily. Also search for linking verbs such as felt, was, or seemed.Nov 27 2023 4:34AM

Section 9

  • Make your writing come to life by using strong, active verbs, not verbs that are weak and static. For example, instead of saying she walked, use she strutted, she strode, she trudged, or she tiptoed to show us exactly how she moves.Nov 27 2023 4:35AM
  • Telling: The man was thin and wore a coat that was too big for him. Showing: His coat hung around his frame.Nov 27 2023 4:35AM
  • Weak verb: The woman started to shake. Without the weak verb: The woman shook. Or maybe even better: Fine tremors rushed through the woman’s body.Nov 27 2023 4:35AM
  • Telling: Tina lived in a big house. Showing: Tina’s steps echoed across the foyer as she entered the mansion.Nov 27 2023 4:36AM
  • Telling: Betty had callused palms. Showing: Betty’s palms felt like sandpaper.Nov 27 2023 4:36AM
  • Telling: Tina was a flirt. Showing: “Well, hello,” Tina drawled. “The view in here just got a lot better.”Nov 27 2023 4:38AM
  • Telling: I was relieved when my workday ended. Showing: Finally, the bell rang, announcing the end of my workday. Thank the Lord.Nov 27 2023 4:38AM
  • Telling: Jake had always been a little clumsy. Showing: When he reached out to pick up the saltshaker, he knocked over his wineglass.Nov 27 2023 4:39AM

Section 11

  • Stein on Writing, Sol Stein lists three danger areas for telling, and I would add one more: Telling readers about events that happened before the story began (Backstory) Telling readers what the characters look like (Character descriptions) Telling readers what the character experience through their senses (Setting descriptions) Telling readers what the characters feel (Emotions)Nov 27 2023 4:40AM

Section 12

  • The best descriptions are dynamic, not static. Instead of stopping the story and ignoring the character while you describe the setting, let the character interact with and move through the setting. Example: Telling: The living room was furnished with a white leather couch and a coffee table made of glass and chrome. Was is one of the weak verbs I mentioned. Showing: Tina rounded the glass-and-chrome contraption that was supposed to be a coffee table and gingerly eased herself down onto the couch, careful not to leave any stains on the white leather.Nov 27 2023 4:44AM
  • If you use adjectives, make sure they are descriptive ones, e.g., sparkling, sky-blue, or star-shaped, not adjectives of opinion, e.g., beautiful, intelligent, or attractive.Nov 27 2023 4:45AM
  • As with setting descriptions, use strong, dynamic verbs instead of static ones. Example: Telling: She had dark eyes and a friendly smile. Showing: Her smile crinkled the corners of her dark eyes.Nov 27 2023 4:46AM

Section 13

  • Showing and telling: She clapped her hands in delight. Showing: She clapped her hands. Showing and telling: Tina’s eyes narrowed angrily. Showing: Tina’s eyes narrowed. Showing and telling: Frustrated, Tina threw up her hands. Showing: Tina threw up her hands.Nov 27 2023 4:47AM
  • Emotions always trigger physical responses. When we are afraid, our hearts start racing, our palms become sweaty, and our muscles tense. These are involuntary, visceral reactions that we have no control over.Nov 27 2023 4:48AM
  • Telling: Betty was elated. Showing: Betty twirled, her arms spread wide as if to hug the entire world. Telling: She was ashamed of her knobby knees. Showing: She lowered her lashes and tugged her skirt over her knobby knees. Telling: I looked at Betty with annoyance. Showing: I glared at Betty.Nov 27 2023 4:49AM
  • Facial expressions are another wonderful way to convey emotions, but remember that you can only use them for non-POV characters. The POV character can’t see her own face, so you can’t describe what it looks like from the outside.Nov 27 2023 4:49AM
  • Telling: She was confused. Showing (indirect internal monologue): What the hell was going on?Nov 27 2023 4:50AM

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