Show, Don't Tell

Telling: I had tested the car to see if it would start. It didn't. Showing: I turned the key in the ignition. A click-click-click-click noise drifted up from the engine. I smashed my fist into the steering wheel. "Dammit!"

Telling: The dog tucked its tail between its legs and whined anxiously. Showing: The dog tucked its tail between its legs and whined.

Telling: "Don't lie to me," she shouted angrily. Showing: "Don't lie to me, dammit." She slammed her palm on the table.

Telling: Tina slowly walked down the street. Showing: Tina strolled down the street.

Telling: I was afraid. Showing: Oh God, oh God, oh God. My knees felt like squishy sponges as I fled down the stairs.

Linking verbs are verbs that connect a subject with an adjective or noun. Examples are was/were, is/are, felt, appeared, seemed, looked. The problem with them is that they are weak, static verbs that don't show us an action. Replace most of them with more active verbs.

Telling: It was cold. Showing: She breathed into her hands to warm her numb fingers.

Telling: Tina felt tired. Showing: She rubbed her eyes.

Telling: Tina seemed impressed. Showing: Tina's eyes widened, and her lips formed a silent, "Wow!"

Telling: Tina looked as if she was going to cry. Showing: Tina's bottom lip started to quiver.

Telling: When John left, Betty and Tina were relieved. Showing: When the door closed behind John, Betty wiped her brow and Tina exhaled the breath she'd been holding.

Filter words are verbs that describe the character perceiving or thinking something, for example, saw, smelled, heard, felt, watched, noticed, realized, wondered, and knew. The problem is that filter words tell your readers what the character perceives or thinks instead of letting them experience it directly

Telling: Tina heard Betty suck in a breath. Showing: Betty sucked in a breath.

Telling: Tina realized she had lost her keys. Showing: Tina patted her pockets. Nothing. Oh shit. Where were her keys?

REVISION TIP For some of these red flags, you can use the search feature of your writing software to find and replace them. To find adverbs, type ly into the search box, or if you know which adverbs you overuse, e.g., quickly, softly, gently, do a search for them. You can also search for filter words such as wondered, realized, or heard. For emotion words, type in the noun, adjective, and adverb form of emotions such as anger, angry, and angrily. Also search for linking verbs such as felt, was, or seemed.

Make your writing come to life by using strong, active verbs, not verbs that are weak and static. For example, instead of saying she walked, use she strutted, she strode, she trudged, or she tiptoed to show us exactly how she moves.

Telling: The man was thin and wore a coat that was too big for him. Showing: His coat hung around his frame.

Weak verb: The woman started to shake. Without the weak verb: The woman shook. Or maybe even better: Fine tremors rushed through the woman's body.

Telling: Tina lived in a big house. Showing: Tina's steps echoed across the foyer as she entered the mansion.

Telling: Betty had callused palms. Showing: Betty's palms felt like sandpaper.

Telling: Tina was a flirt. Showing: "Well, hello," Tina drawled. "The view in here just got a lot better."

Telling: I was relieved when my workday ended. Showing: Finally, the bell rang, announcing the end of my workday. Thank the Lord.

Telling: Jake had always been a little clumsy. Showing: When he reached out to pick up the saltshaker, he knocked over his wineglass.

Stein on Writing, Sol Stein lists three danger areas for telling, and I would add one more: Telling readers about events that happened before the story began (Backstory) Telling readers what the characters look like (Character descriptions) Telling readers what the character experience through their senses (Setting descriptions) Telling readers what the characters feel (Emotions)

The best descriptions are dynamic, not static. Instead of stopping the story and ignoring the character while you describe the setting, let the character interact with and move through the setting. Example: Telling: The living room was furnished with a white leather couch and a coffee table made of glass and chrome. Was is one of the weak verbs I mentioned. Showing: Tina rounded the glass-and-chrome contraption that was supposed to be a coffee table and gingerly eased herself down onto the couch, careful not to leave any stains on the white leather.

If you use adjectives, make sure they are descriptive ones, e.g., sparkling, sky-blue, or star-shaped, not adjectives of opinion, e.g., beautiful, intelligent, or attractive.

As with setting descriptions, use strong, dynamic verbs instead of static ones. Example: Telling: She had dark eyes and a friendly smile. Showing: Her smile crinkled the corners of her dark eyes.

Showing and telling: She clapped her hands in delight. Showing: She clapped her hands. Showing and telling: Tina's eyes narrowed angrily. Showing: Tina's eyes narrowed. Showing and telling: Frustrated, Tina threw up her hands. Showing: Tina threw up her hands.

Emotions always trigger physical responses. When we are afraid, our hearts start racing, our palms become sweaty, and our muscles tense. These are involuntary, visceral reactions that we have no control over.

Telling: Betty was elated. Showing: Betty twirled, her arms spread wide as if to hug the entire world. Telling: She was ashamed of her knobby knees. Showing: She lowered her lashes and tugged her skirt over her knobby knees. Telling: I looked at Betty with annoyance. Showing: I glared at Betty.

Facial expressions are another wonderful way to convey emotions, but remember that you can only use them for non-POV characters. The POV character can't see her own face, so you can't describe what it looks like from the outside.

Telling: She was confused. Showing (indirect internal monologue): What the hell was going on?

what i'm reading

Show, Don't Tell

Sandra Gerth

Introduction