Woe Is I

Patricia T. O'Conner

First annotation on Nov 20th, 2024. Last on Mar 10th, 2025.

37 quotes

12

The verb is the business end of a sentence, the sentence's reason for being. That's where the action is. Without a verb or even the hint of one, there's nothing going on, just a lot of nouns standing around with their hands in their pockets. A verb is easy to spot. Just look for the moving target, the center of activity, the part that tells you what's going on. No wonder the verb is often the most interesting word in a sentence.
"Difficult do you call it, Sir?" the lexicographer Samuel Johnson once said after hearing a violinist perform. "I wish it were impossible." Were? Why not I wish it was impossible? Well, in English we have a special way of speaking wishfully. We say, I wish I were in love again, not I wish I was in love again. There's a peculiar, wishful kind of grammar for talking about things that are desirable, as opposed to things as they really are. When we're in a wishful mood (a grammarian would call it the subjunctive mood), was becomes were:
What a difference an if makes. An ordinary, straightforward statement like I was taller becomes quite another proposition when we insert one little word: If I were taller. Why is this? It's because there's a special, "what if" sort of grammar that kicks in when we talk about something that's untrue. When we're in this iffy mood—the subjunctive mood, if you want to be technical—was becomes were.
When we use wishful language to talk about the past, we sometimes make it more complicated than it needs to be. We stick in the phrase would have where a simple had should go. In this case, simpler is better. Incorrect: I wish you would have called. Correct: I wish you had called.
You may have wondered why we say I was quiet, but They requested that I be quiet. What's going on here? The answer is that in English we have a special way of suggesting or demanding something (another example of the subjunctive mood). This is what you need to remember: Use be instead of was or were after someone asks, demands, insists, orders, requests, requires, or suggests that something be done
Tradition says that what may happen is more possible than what might happen. But never mind. Today most people see little or no difference in the degree of possibility, and that old distinction is largely ignored.
If the sentence has only one main verb (with or without have), you can accompany it with either may or might. Here we're talking about things that are still possible. Hermione may [or might] take the train.
If the sentence has an additional verb in the present tense (underlined here), you can use either may or might with the other verb. Here again, we're talking about things that are still possible. Hermione thinks she may [or might] take the train.
If the sentence has an additional verb in the past tense (underlined here), I recommend using might with the other verb, though may is often seen in informal English. Here we're talking about things that were possible in the past. Hermione thought she might take the train.
Any sentence with never have and never will is probably doomed.
Only a couple of dozen verbs (cut, hit, hurt, put, and read among them) will work with never have and never will, because they're the same in all tenses. I never have and never will put ketchup on a hot dog.
Several verbs ending in t or d have all but dropped the ed ending in the past tense.
fit. Mr. Pecksniff quit the firm, bet on the horses, and wet his whistle, then wed his sweetheart in a suit that fit him perfectly.
In these examples, the spellings I use are given first and the others, many of which are popular in Britain, follow in parentheses: bereaved (bereft), burned (burnt), dreamed (dreamt), dwelt (dwelled), knelt (kneeled), leaped (leapt), learned (learnt), smelled (smelt), spelled (spelt), spilled (spilt), spoiled (spoilt).
Many verbs (think, say, hope, believe, find, feel, and wish are examples) sometimes sound smoother—to my ears, at least—when they're followed by that: Carmela believed [that] Tony was unfaithful. You may agree that the sentence sounds better with that, or you may not. It's purely a matter of taste. The sentence is correct either way.

Introduction

A similar problem arises when we use iffy language to talk about the past. We use would have twice when once is enough. Again, simpler is better. Incorrect: If you would have called, I would have gotten the message. Correct: If you had called, I would have gotten the message.

13

DECIMATE. Who says grammar books don't have sex and violence? To decimate once meant "to slaughter every tenth one," although it's rarely used literally these days. It's now used more loosely, to mean "to destroy in part" (Gomez says the mushroom crop in the cellar has been decimated by rats), but don't use it to mean "to destroy entirely." And definitely don't attach a figure to the damage: The earthquake decimated seventy-five percent of Morticia's antiques
DILEMMA. This is no ordinary problem; the di (from the Greek for "twice") is a clue that there's a "two-ness" here. A dilemma is a situation involving at least two choices—all of them bad. (This idea is captured neatly in the old phrase about being caught on the horns of a dilemma.)
ENORMITY. Don't confuse this with enormousness, because enormity isn't a measure of size alone. It refers to something that's wicked, monstrous, or outrageous on a large scale. Sleepy little Liechtenstein was shocked by the enormity of the crime.
IRONY. I hope some TV news reporters are tuning in. A wonderful word for a wonderful idea, irony refers to a sly form of expression in which you say one thing and mean another. "You're wearing the green checked suit again, Richie! How fashionable of you," said Mrs. Cunningham, her voice full of irony. A situation is ironic when the result is the opposite—or pretty much so—of what was intended. It isn't merely coincidental or surprising, as when the newscaster thoughtlessly reports, "Ironically, the jewelry store was burglarized on the same date last year." If the burglars take great pains to steal what turns out to contain a homing device that leads the police to them, that's ironic. (And forget the correct but clunky ironical.)
UNIQUE. There was a time when unique didn't mean merely "unusual" or "remarkable." In the old days, something unique was unparalleled, without equal, incomparable, nonpareil, unrivaled, one of a kind, the one and only. And there were no degrees of uniqueness, because the unique was absolute. So nothing could be described as more, less, sort of, rather, quite, very, slightly, or particularly unique. Like dead, unanimous, and pregnant, the word stood alone. The Great Wall of China is unique. But we all know what's happened. Today respected writers, even dictionaries, have loosened up on the uniqueness of unique. This photo of the Great Wall is rather unique
AFFECT/EFFECT. If you mean a thing (a noun), ninety-nine times out of a hundred you mean effect. The termites had a startling effect on the piano. If you want an action word (a verb), the odds are just as good that you want affect. The problem affected Lucia's recital. The verb affect has another meaning. Besides to "change" or "have an effect on" (as above), it can mean "pretend" or "simulate." Lucia affects an intimate knowledge of Italian. This is how we got the adjective affected (artificial). Her regal mannerisms are affected.
AGO/SINCE. Use one or the other, not both. Fluffy died three days ago. Or: It's been three days since Fluffy died. Not: It's been three days ago since Fluffy died.
ALLUSION/ILLUSION/DELUSION. An allusion is an indirect mention. Gussie's comment about burlesque was a snide allusion to Cyril's hand-painted tie. An illusion is a false impression. It created the illusion of a naked woman. A delusion is a deception. Cyril clung to the delusion that his tie was witty. Delusion is much stronger than illusion, and implies that Cyril has been misled or deceived—in this case, by himself.
AMONG/BETWEEN. When only two are involved, the answer is easy: between. Miss Bennet sensed a barrier between her and Mr. Darcy. With three or more, you have a choice. Use between if you're thinking of the individuals and their relations with one another. There were several embarrassing exchanges between Lydia, Kitty, and Jane. Use among if you're thinking of the group. Darcy's arrival created a stir among the guests.
In theory, bi attached to the front of a word means "two," and semi means "half." Although Moose says he's bilingual, he's semiliterate. In practice, bi sometimes means semi, and semi sometimes means bi. You're better off avoiding them when you want to indicate time periods
BIENNIAL: every two years BIANNUAL: twice a year or every two years SEMIANNUAL: every half-year BIMONTHLY: every two months or twice a month SEMIMONTHLY: every half-month BIWEEKLY: every two weeks or twice a week SEMIWEEKLY: every half-week
CAN NOT/CANNOT/CAN'T. Usually, you can't go wrong with a one-word version—can't in speech or casual writing, cannot in formal writing. The two-word version, can not, is for when you want to be emphatic (Maybe you can hit high C, but I certainly can not), or when not is part of another expression, like "not only . . . but also" (I can not only hit high C, but also break a glass while doing it). Then there's can't not, as in The diva's husband can't not go to the opera.
CAPITAL/CAPITOL. The important city where lawmakers meet is a capital. The building they meet in is a capitol. Denver, the capital of Colorado, has a capitol with a gold-plated dome. (Hint: Both capitol and dome have o's.) And yes, a big letter is called a capital because it's important.
DISINTERESTED/UNINTERESTED. The traditional difference here is that disinterested means "unbiased," while uninterested means "bored" or "lacking interest." A good umpire should be disinterested, said Casey, but most certainly not uninterested. Today the old distinction has blurred. So for the sake of clarity, you're better off using impartial or neutral instead of disinterested.
traditionally, epidemic refers to something widespread in a particular community or population, and pandemic to something that has spread to an entire country, continent, or beyond.
In general, use fewer for a smaller number of individual things; use less for a smaller quantity of one thing. The less money Mr. Flanders spends, the fewer bills he gets. But when you're down one, use less: After Charlotte's wedding, Lady Lucas had one less thing to worry about. In addition, use less than (not fewer than) with percentages and fractions: Less than a third of the graduates showed up for the reunion. Use less than for quantities of time and money, too: He built the bookcase in less than two weeks and for less than thirty dollars. Finally, use less than when measuring distance (less than five miles), weight (less than 150 pounds), temperature (less than 30 degrees), speed (less than 50 miles an hour), and so on. See
IF/WHETHER. When you're talking about a choice between alternatives, use whether: Richie didn't know whether he should wear the blue suit or the green one. The giveaway is the presence of or between the alternatives. But when there's a whether or not choice (Richie wondered whether or not he should wear his green checked suit), you can usually drop the or not and use either whether or if
LAY/LIE. To lay is to place something; there's always a "something" that's being placed. To lie is to recline. If you're not feeling well, lay your tools aside and lie down.
ORAL/VERBAL. They're not the same, though the meanings do overlap. Oral means "by mouth" or "by spoken word." Verbal means "by written or spoken word." That's why verbal is so easily misunderstood. What's a verbal contract? Written or spoken? It can be either. When it's important to make the distinction, use oral when you mean "spoken," written when you mean "written." As Sam Goldwyn supposedly said, "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on."
EVERY DAY/EVERYDAY. We mix them up daily (or every day). The single word, everyday, is an adjective. It describes a thing, so it can usually be found right in front of a noun: "I love my everyday jeans," said Jack. The time expression every day is two words: "That's why you wear them every day," said Ennis.
REASON WHY. This one, on the other hand, is NOT a redundancy, and here's the reason why. It's a venerable English expression in which reason means "cause" and why means "for which" or "on account of which." Strictly speaking, the why is not necessary, but that doesn't make it wrong. While reason can be used by itself (the reason we called), it is also quite properly used with why (the reason why we called), and with that (the reason that we called).