Berne suggested that most people unconsciously choose spouses because they want certain limits placed on them. He gave an example of a woman who seemed desperate to learn to dance. The problem was that her husband hated going out, so her social life was restricted. She enrolled in dancing classes, but found that she was terribly afraid of dancing in public and dropped out.
Berne's point was that what we blame the other partner for is more often revealed as an issue within ourselves.
Playing "If it weren't for you" allows us to divest ourselves of responsibility for facing our fears or shortcomings.#2405•