Networks which represent the internalization of the people who raised us, as we experienced them, Berne named Parent. When in Parent we think, feel, and act like one of our parents or like someone who took their place#400•
Ego states which deal with the here and now in a nonemotional way are called Adult. When in Adult, we appraise reality objectively and make fact-based decisions, while making sure that Child or Parent emotions or ideas do not contaminate the process.#394•
Berne expected game analysis to be improved as further knowledge accumulated, but he did lay out the elements of theoretical game analysis: thesis, aim, roles, transactions, paradigm, moves, six types of advantages, and payoff#402•
The "con" is the first move/invitation made by the initiator, Person A. The "gimmick" is the weakness in Person B which leads him or her to respond to the con. The X represents a switch in ego states by Person A. P is his or her payoff, a surprise feeling#395•
Person A gives an ostensible message while at the same time giving a hidden message.
Person B responds to the hidden message.
Person A then switches ego states and has a surprise bad feeling.#408•
The person who initiates a game does so with a discount. These come in one of four varieties: (1) a discount that there is a problem, (2) a discount of the significance of the problem, (3) a discount that the problem is solvable by the person and (4) a discount that the problem is solvable by anyone.#398•
She concluded that there are really only three major patterns: NIGYSOB, in which a person switches from helpless or defiant Child to Parent, Kick Me, in which a person switches from bossy or helpful Parent to Child, and Uproar, where both partners switch ego states simultaneously and march off#405•
Chapter 6: Life Games
White marries a woman who plays "I'm Only Trying to Help You" or one of its relatives. It is then easy for him to defer decisions to her. Often this may be done in the guise of considerateness or gallantry. He may deferentially and courteously let her decide where to go for dinner or which movie to see.
If things turn out well, he can enjoy them.
If not, he can blame her by saying or implying: "You Got Me Into This," a simple variation of SWYMD#396•
The external psychological gain (avoidance of responsibility) is prominent, and the game is often precipitated by the threat of impending intimacy, since the "justifiable" anger offers a good excuse for avoiding sexual relations. The existential position is, "I am blameless."#407•
Chapter 7: Marital Games
In "Furthermore" the plaintiff makes one accusation after the other. The defendant replies to each, "I can explain." The plaintiff pays no attention to the explanation, but as soon as the defendant pauses, he launches into his next indictment with another "furthermore," which is followed by another explanation—a typical Parent-Child interchange.#399•
In its everyday form this is easily observed in children as a two-handed game with one parent. It is played from either of two positions: "I am helpless" or "I am blameless#403•
In short, a diamond bracelet is a much more honest instrument of courtship than a perforated stomach. She has the option of throwing the jewelry back at him, but she cannot decently walk out on the ulcer. A sudden confrontation with a serious illness is more likely to make her feel trapped than won over.#406•
Commentary
When someone creates a commonplace social disturbance in order to gain some secret relief or satisfaction, Dr. Berne calls it a game.#401•